


Find the Words

by BleedingInk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, High School AU, References to a Taylor Swift video, implied abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:50:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3108431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedingInk/pseuds/BleedingInk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel wish he could find the words to tell Meg she deserves better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Find the Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [megstielismyotp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/megstielismyotp/gifts).



> This fic was written as part of the SPN Secret Santa Christmas Gift Exchange.

Castiel took off his glasses and checked his clock. It was one in the morning. He left his desk and pressed his forehead against the window glass, letting the cool relieve his growing headache.

He blinked when a glimmer hit his eyelids, and looked around for the source. The full moon hanged right between the spaces between his and the neighbor’s houses. The night was unusually clear for late September, like the summer hadn’t decided to leave already. If Castiel looked really close, he could even see some stars sprinkled around the dark sky.

But the light was in fact coming from the window in front of Castiel’s. Meg was pacing around her room, with her cellphone pressed to her ear and gesticulating madly. She was wearing jeans and her favorite leather jacket, which was an odd outfit to be wearing at one o’clock in the morning. Castiel himself was wearing his stripped pajama pants and old grey t-shirt, and he was just as awake as Meg was.

On top of his mental exhaustion, Castiel had never been good at understanding social situations and that’s why it took him a couple of minutes to understand what was going on. It wasn’t the first time Meg returned late from hanging out with her boyfriend, but it usually was even later (around three or four o’clock in the morning), and she always tiptoed and never turned on her light so as to not wake her father. It also wasn’t the first time she spent hours on the phone while sitting in front of her window, without so much as a glance on Castiel’s direction, but she usually had a goofy, happy smile on her face. Now she was squinting her eyes like she was fighting back tears, and biting her lips like she wanted to scream but couldn’t.

In the end, she threw her phone away and sat down on the bed, hiding her face in her hands. Castiel had never seen her so upset. He felt the impulse to open the window and shout, like they did back when they were little kids and still good friends, but now they were sixteen and it was one o’clock in the morning, so that behavior might not be acceptable.

Instead, he ran back to his desk, grabbed his notebook and a pen and scribbled down something in bold black letter. He returned to his window, and started rhythmically tapping the glass. It took a few seconds, but Meg finally heard him and raised her head, frowning in confusion.

Castiel held up the notebook: “ARE YOU OK?”

Meg remained where she was for a couple of seconds. Maybe Castiel imagined it, but he thought he’d seen her smile. She got up, and Castiel was thinking she might have been annoyed at that invasion of her privacy, but then she returned with a makeshift sign of her own.

“TIRED OF DRAMA,” it said in Meg’s messy handwriting. And she was smiling, but her eyes still clearly red and puffy, even from that distance.

Castiel wanted to say her boyfriend was a jerk who didn’t deserve her and that he would break his nose if he ever made her cry again. But that was a lot to write in a simple notebook page and besides, maybe he was jumping to conclusions and this fight was an isolated incident. Every couple had fights. So he instead he wrote what a good friend would say under those circumstances: “SORRY.”

Meg shrugged, and Castiel could almost hear the little resigned huff she gave. She waved and then closed her curtains. A few seconds later, her lights went out.

Castiel returned to his desk, thinking about studying a little longer, but the small lines in his textbook seemed to dance in front of him. There was a tightness in his chest he couldn’t comprehend, like he too was about to break down in tears. In the end, he reached for his notebook again, and wrote down in capital what he really would have liked to say to Meg. Then he lunged to his bed and buried his head on his pillow.

That’s why he didn’t see Meg’s curtains moving aside a little when she tried to check if he was still awake. She wanted to thank him for making her feel a little less lonely that night.

 

* * *

 

Meg had been Castiel’s neighbor since they were five years old. He remembered looking up one day to the window right in front of him, to a room that had always been empty, and being startled by the girl with black hair waving back at him. Though wary at first, his mother had encouraged their friendship because Castiel had always suffered from a crippling shyness that drove him to spend extended periods of times completely quiet. Even in times when he really wanted something, he could never find the words to ask for it.

Meg compensated that by being the loudest, most friendly and out-going girl in the entire neighborhood. She often said she needed to speak for the both of them, since Castiel wasn’t able to do it, and that made him smile. She was the first person he remembered opening up to, and it had been so easy he started wondering why he couldn’t do it with all the other kids in school. Back then, talking to Meg was just a matter of opening the window and giving her a shout, or climb across to her room via the branches of the old oak planted in her yard.

But that was before they turned thirteen and Meg’s father decided to cut down the tree and bought her a pair of thick, dark-colored curtains. He didn’t say so specifically, but it had a lot to do with the fact Meg was beginning to ditch her baggy jeans and sneakers and trade them for tank tops and lip gloss. Then she started skipping class with a girl called Ruby, and she went and got herself a boyfriend who (Castiel heard) drove a convertible and was a freshman in college.

Meg probably didn’t even remember the last time they spoke, but Castiel did. This was the first time in almost a year and a half that they exchanged words (and he used that term loosely). He didn’t blame her. What could she possibly want with her quiet, lonely, glass-wearing neighbor who rarely looked up from his books when she was so bright and fearless?

Maybe if Castiel could find the words to tell her that… but that wasn’t even worth thinking about.

 

* * *

 

The following day during lunch, Castiel was deeply regretting his hubris and trying to keep his face from falling flat on his tray when someone sat in front of him. He jolted awake. No one ever sat on his table, unless it was to tease him or to ask him for a favor (usually his notes, which he was always too polite to deny to anyone). But it was neither of his usually bullies or beggars.

It was Meg.

“Hey,” she said, with that radiant grin that could light up the whole town. “Is it okay if I sit here?”

Castiel rubbed his eyes behind his glasses and pinched himself. No, this was definitely not a dream or a hallucination caused by the lack of sleep. Meg was actually there, smiling at him.

He meant to say “No, not at all, you can sit wherever you want” in a really smooth tone of voice, but what came out of his mouth was a weak and pathetic: “Uh…”

“Hey, Meg,” somebody said in an overtly happy high pitch tone of voice, and next thing Castiel knew, there was a redheaded girl wearing cat ears sitting by his left said. “You still want the tickets for the concert?”

“I’ll let you know, Charlie,” Meg sighed.

“Yeah, you need to let me know soon,” Charlie said, pulling a tablet out of her bag. “Dean wants some too.”

“It’s our sixth month anniversary,” an older boy in a plaid shirt said, sitting at Castiel’s right. “Don’t tell Jo, it’s a surprise.”

“Don’t tell me what?” a blonde girl asked, hugging the boy from behind and smooching him.

“That you are so cute you made everybody want to puke,” a third girl added, sitting by Meg’s side.

At least Castiel knew that one: she was Ruby, Meg’s friend. But he was still wondering where all these people came from and why they were sitting on his table when a freshman boy carrying his books occupied the only free sit with a sigh.

“Long day, Sammy?” Dean asked him, with an almost paternal smile.

“How am I supposed to find all this information about Shakespeare, Dean?” Sammy whined. “And I have to do all the geometry and Spanish homework…”

“You’ll get the hang of it,” Dean assured as he opened his Tupperware and split a sandwich in two to share it with Jo, who was talking to Charlie over Castiel’s tray while Ruby showed Meg something on her cellphone.

“I… I have a book,” Castiel said. All the chatter on the table ceased, and six pair of eyes turned to him, like they only just noticed his presence there. Inhibited, Castiel looked down, but he repeated: “I have a book. On Shakespeare. It was very useful for me last year. I can lend it to you.”

“Woah. Thanks, man,” Sammy said, and he really looked like Castiel had just pushed him out of the way of an oncoming bus. “I’d really appreciate that.”

“Another nerd, Meg?” Ruby groaned, turning to her friend. “I thought we had our quota filled with Charlie and Sam.”

“Yeah, but we can't kick Sam out,” Meg said. “’Cause then Dean would leave and we’d have no ride, and then Jo would leave and we’d have no one to get us booze.”

Charlie yelped as she held her tablet against her chest.

“No one is getting kicked out,” Meg clarified, rolling her eyes. “Guys, this is my neighbor, Castiel. He’s alright.”

And like that was all the validation he needed, Castiel was immediately accepted into the group. Now he had Meg and her crew sitting on his lunch table daily and inviting him to places or to see bands Castiel had never heard of before.

“You mean never?” Charlie asked, scandalized. “You have never heard of The Hunters? Oh, God, you’ve been missing out! I’m gonna burn you a CD and you have to promise to listen to it until you’ve learnt all the lyrics, okay?”

“No, that’s fine, Cas,” Sam said, whenever Castiel offered him help. “I have to do this by myself. Otherwise, how will I learn?”

“Hey, if that asshole gives you trouble again…”

“Dean, you can’t beat up Raphael,” Castiel interrupted him. “You’ll get in trouble.”

“Oh, I ain’t gonna do anything,” Dean assured him. “But Jo here has a mean right hook,” he added, while his girlfriend nodded proudly.

“He’s cute, isn’t he, Meg?” Ruby asked one afternoon while they were sitting in the bus stop. She was looking analytically at Castiel with a hand on her chin, and her assertion was more matter-of-factly than flirty. Castiel still blushed violently.

Meg glanced at Castiel. “I guess,” she said, with a little shrugged and continued texting.

“Yeah, he has pretty eyes,” Ruby continued. “I bet I could make you attractive enough to get a date for the homecoming dance. We just have to get rid of that shirt and those glasses…”

“But I need them to see,” Castiel protested, slightly terrified at what Ruby was saying. Both girls looked at him for a second, and then burst out laughing. “What?” Castiel asked, confused. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing,” Meg said, with that little smirk that always made Castiel skip a beat. “Never change, Cas.”

Castiel was going to ask how he was supposed to do that when Ruby seemed decided to transform his appearance when a honk interrupted them.

“Oh, oh,” Ruby muttered.

A red luxurious car parked in front of them and a blonde guy (he must have been nineteen or twenty) honked again and beckoned Meg to get closer. She stood up, and gave two steps in his direction, unsure. Like it had been a signal of some kind, Charlie, Dean, Jo and Sam appeared out of nowhere and surrounded Meg like a wall. Ruby and Castiel approached them too.

“Is that him?” Charlie asked. “Lucifer? Douchebag nickname, by the way.”

“I thought you told him to leave you alone,” Dean said.

“Well, apparently he doesn’t understand polite requests,” Jo said, cracking her knuckles. “How about I make a more assertive one?”

“Guys,” Meg cut them off. “It’s fine. I’m the one who has to deal with this.”

And then, to everyone’s shock, she strolled towards the car and got in. The guy in the sunglasses smiled and waved them goodbye as he sped out of the parking lot.

“Damn,” Ruby muttered.

“Is she going to be okay?” Sam asked.

“Yes, of course, kid,” Dean said, putting an arm around his younger brother’s shoulders. But his usual, nonchalant tone convinced exactly no one.

“Ugh, just when I thought we’d got rid of him,” Jo complained.

“Shouldn’t we do something?” Castiel asked. “Tell someone?”

All of his friends stared at him like he had just suggested they went to the moon this weekend.

“The only ones we could tell is Meg’s dad or brother,” Charlie pointed out. “And they _love_ Lucifer because he’s in college and his family has money and…”

“The douche’s got them totally charmed,” Ruby summarized. “Anyway, we just have to trust that Meg’s got this.”

“And keep our cellphones on,” Dean added, grimly.

 

* * *

 

It was a long evening for Castiel. He was beginning to think that Dean might have meant the cellphones things metaphorically, but he still kept interrupting his studying to check his every five minutes. Meg didn’t call or text, of course.

“Castiel, you need to stop looking at your phone while we are eating,” Naomi, his mother, scolded him. Castiel left it alone, but a few minutes later, unable to resist, he looked at it again. “Castiel!”

“Leave him, dear,” Chuck, his father, laughed. “Bet he’s waiting a call from a girl.”

“I’m not,” Castiel said, looking down at his plate.

“A boy, then?” Chuck insisted. Before his son could be properly embarrassed, they hear a car passing by.

Castiel got up and looked outside, and sure enough, he saw the Masters’ car, and Meg and her brother getting out. Tom had an arm around Meg’s shoulder and was escorting her inside the house, while throwing suspicious glances in every direction, like he expected someone to jump out of the bushes. Castiel mumbled something about not being hungry and having lots of homework before rushing upstairs. He still had to wait about half an hour until Meg entered her room and turned on the lights.

Castiel tapped his window, but Meg had already noticed him and his “ARE YOU OKAY?” sign. She smiled, grabbed her notebook and began writing. While she did, Castiel noticed a black bruise on the side of her face, and his guts practically simmered with hate towards that asshole and his red convertible.

“YEAH. IT’S OVER,” said the sign Meg held up.

“YOUR CHEEK?” Castiel inquired.

“IT’S NOTHING,” Meg replied, with a shrug. Then wrote something else: “YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN HIS NOSE.”

Castiel chuckled, and on the other window, Meg did the same.

“I’M GLAD YOU’RE HOME,” Castiel wrote.

“ME TOO. THANKS.”

“Castiel!” Naomi called from downstairs, probably to remind him no amount of homework excused him from washing the dishes. Castiel waved at Meg, apologetically, and went to see what his mother wanted. When he went back up, Meg’s curtains were drawn again.

 

* * *

 

“Homecoming!” Charlie screamed as she distributed flyers all around the canteen. “Don’t forget your tickets for the homecoming dance! But if you forget it, I can hook you up with someone… hello, you’re cute,” she added, shoving a flyer in the hand of a girl in a white dress. “Hope to see you there!” she added, with a wink.

“Is there such thing as being _too_ excited about something?” Ruby said, rolling her eyes. “’Cause I think she is.”

“First time they’re allowing same-sex couples,” Dean reminded her. “She doesn’t know which girl to invite.”

“I think she’s going to invite _all of them_ ,” Jo chuckled as Charlie cheerfully struck up a conversation with yet another girl. She leaned on Dean and pursed her lips. “You’re gonna wear the tie I bought you?”

“Of course, baby… shut up, Sam,” Dean added.

Sam still raised his hand in the air and cracked an invisible whip. Dean threw a ball of paper at his head.

“What about you, guys?” Ruby asked, ignoring the brother’s impromptu food war. “You’re going?”

“I don’t know,” Meg said, toying with her bottle of water. “I’m not exactly in the mood for partying.”

“Ah, come on,” Ruby insisted, leaning on her friend. “You have to go! You have to celebrate you finally got rid of that asshole! Let’s vote on it!” she added in the face of Meg’s hesitation.

“We’re not voting…” Meg tried to protest.

“I vote you should go,” Sam said, raising his head.

“Second,” Dean said.

“Third,” Jo added.

From the other side of the canteen came Charlie’s singsong voice: “Fourth!”

“How does she even…?” Meg started asking, then shook her head. “Cas, give me a hand here.”

The bruise on her cheek had begun to fade, and it was practically invisible under her make-up unless you looked very carefully. Castiel, who had acquired the habit of looking at Meg’s face very carefully since they turned thirteen, noticed it every day and it made his blood boil.

“I’m sorry, but I believe Ruby is right,” he said, in a calm tone that indicated to no one he was fantasizing about ways to dispose Lucifer’s body. “That is a reason for celebration.”

Meg threw her hands in the air, frustrated. “Fine,” she said. Ruby clapped her hands and hugged her so tight Meg almost choked.

 

* * *

 

Meg tapped on the window and Castiel raised his head, surprised. She was wearing a beautiful blue dress that hugged her figure and ended right above her knees, and her long black hair was tied up in a topknot adorned with a matching bow on the side. She looked beautiful and elegant, and Castiel was suddenly very aware of the hole in his sweatpants and the soup stain in his hoodie.

Meg was holding a sign that read: “GOING?”

“NO. STUDYING,” Castiel replied.

Meg looked sad as she held up her answer: “WISH YOU WERE.”

There was a honk on the street, and even Castiel was able to hear Ruby’s overexcited scream, calling for Meg to come down. With a last wave, Meg exited her room without drawing the curtains. Castiel opened the window and poked half his body out so he could see her disappear inside the limo Ruby had rented.

He stayed there, sitting on his ledge and breathing in the cool air of the autumn night. There was no moon in the sky tonight, and the yellow leaves rustled with the breeze, amplified his loneliness until it became unbearable. Castiel returned to his desk, telling himself that he was happy Meg was out there, having fun. She deserved it after what she’d been through. She didn’t show it, of course, but it was obvious that she’d had her heart broken.

He started stacking up notebooks and books he wasn’t going to need aside, trying to erase her crestfallen expression when he told her he was staying in. Of course she’d wished Castiel was going: she’d told him many times he needed to loosen up a bit. She obviously meant it in a friendly way, because Meg definitely didn’t think of him that way and…

A folded paper fluttered towards his carpet, and when Castiel caught it, he realized what it was: what he’d been meaning to tell Meg for a while, but the words kept getting caught up in his throat and the time kept being not ideal and…

Castiel stood up and ran downstairs.

“Dad?” he called. Chuck unstuck his eyes from the TV, frowning curiously. “Can I borrow one of your ties?”

 

* * *

 

The party was in full swing when Castiel arrived. He elbowed his way through the crowd, trying to locate some familiar face. He spotted Dean and Jo making out in a corner, but he thought it wouldn’t be the best idea to interrupt them, so he just kept going, looking for a blue bow or dress. What he did find was a redheaded girl dancing furiously with…

“Hey!” someone grabbed his arm. “You came!”

Closer, Meg looked even more stunning. Her lips were red and forming a smile and she had little earrings that shone under the dance floor lights. He was going to say something stupid; he could already feel it crawling up his stomach, so instead he focused on something else entirely.

“Why is Ruby dancing with Charlie?”

“Beats me,” Meg shrugged.

She added something else, but the music got louder as more and more couples started joining them. They had to scurry out of the way to avoid being trampled and they ended up in a nice corner by the food table, but the music still was too loud for them to have an actual conversation. This was really frustrating, because Castiel had something to say and he had to say it now or forever hold his peace.

Meg shouted something Castiel didn’t understand, except for the last words: “… change your mind?”

And now his palms were sweating and his throat was closing up. No, he really couldn’t say it. He’d had to go for his B-plan.

He reached inside his jacket and with trembling fingers, he unfolded the sign he had made all those nights ago. For one terrifying moment, it was like everyone in the world had stopped existing. There were only them, and he was holding up a sign for Meg to see, and he knew he must've looked like a fool, but he couldn’t keep it quiet anymore.

The sign said: “I LOVE YOU.”

Meg covered her mouth with one hand. Her big brown eyes were glimmering, like the stars the first night he dared to talk to her again. Before Castiel had time to wonder if that was a good or a bad thing, Meg opened her purse and also pulled out a folded paper.

It was another sign. It also said: “I LOVE YOU.”

And that was really all the words they needed.


End file.
